I've just enjoyed the latest newsletter from Satcure (see http://bit.ly/eWsc8a). There are some gems there (quoted below, but follow the link and read the whole thing). The proprietor, Martin Pickering, is both knowledgeable and helpful on satellite and Freeview reception. He doesn't suffer fools gladly. Read and enjoy.
Customer: "I can't be without the box for any length of time."
Martin: "Remember that I'm a Yorkshireman so this may come across as rude but, the way you've written that, it sounds like a serious TV addiction."
Customer: "I suggest you call me to talk about this massive problem."
Martin: "It is our policy not to call customers. If you insist, then you agree to accept our charge of £1 per minute to listen to your ranting."